What is a marriage?

          One’s idea of a marriage is a union of two people who love each other. Two people that will love and care for each other at anytime no matter the cost. After all isn’t that what you say in your vows? I did, but I also had a different idea of marriage. Hell, I was marring my best friend and my soul mate. After 5 years I have learned that my idea of marriage and what it really is are very different. Let me explain, I have been married to the love of my life for 5 years now and I love her the same if not more than I did the day I met her. Our marriage is not bad at all but different than what I thought it would be. Now to be fair I have never been married before, so I was not sure what it was all going to be like. I mean you see married people on tv that make it look like a cake walk and all romantic and then you see some that are just mean and no good. Full of lies and deceit. When I ask my now wife to marry me, I was scared and excited. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Our wedding day was amazing to me if you ask her it was a shit show. My only goal that day was to marry my best friend, I did not care who was there or how many people.

To me it was just her and I no one else. Like every new relationship our life was lived in the honeymoon phase. A lot of time drunk at the bars at night and then a lot of very long nights of hot passionate sex. I remember those days like it was yesterday. I could not get enough of her and I still cannot to this day. Anyway, back on topic here. Our wedding night was something for the books. Everything was like a dream; our reception was fun. After the reception we went out on the town. My newly made wife got herself some kind of drunk that night which was ok because before the wedding things were stressful. We had a lot of fun that night, was even better when my wife passes out when we make it back to the hotel and the first thing, she says to me in the morning is OMG is my dress still white. Classic wife right there. We never really got a honeymoon at all. We took a few days off and went to the cabin on Georgetown lake with the owner of the cabin which we knew personally but that is another story.

Ok so anyway again back on track here, my idea of a marriage and one I wanted so bad. Now do not laugh at this idea and it might seem like some kid’s dream. My idea of a marriage was we make long fun memories together, have amazing fun romantic date nights, doing fun little things for each other, defend each other when needed, always trust each other, never let the passion die between us, always make sure the other knows how loved they are, never fight or try to be better than the other, be the one the other hates to be away from at all time, ( I know sometimes space is good ), Be the one that the other wants to call if something is wrong, be that one that no matter what you are the first call. I always saw our marriage like that but over time it seems to have faded with the honeymoon phase. Now I am not saying our marriage is bad because its not at all. Just seems like it has made it to the we are old phase. Yes I have this issue where my mom goes with us on vacations but there is a reason behind that but I also know that I need to limit that and make it where it’s just my wife and I. Our marriage is normal, we argue sometimes, we snap at each other, there is no physical anything at the moment. Not sure why either. I feel as if she lost her interest in me. Hurts my heart but there isn’t much I can do about it. I know that for me I still find her attractive and sexy. I want her all the time and sometimes I keep it not known and others I try to let her know but nothing normally comes of it. Seems as if we fell into a slump we are not getting out of. I know I am hard to deal with sometimes and sometimes I lose site of the fact that she is my world and I get short with her, even when it is not her fault. I wish honestly, we could turn things back to our honeymoon phase where we were carefree and fun. But this is marriage, sometimes it can be really fun and exciting and often times its boring and normal. I know we can change things and have it the way it use to be but we both have to make that change.

I want more date nights with my wife, even if they are at home. Like the idea of laying blankets in the back of the truck and lay under the stars with her or going to a fancy place to eat and then to a movie or even a nice evening walk. Random cuddles and kisses need to come back. Being spontaneous needs to return too. I remember one time I had made this comment when we were first dating I told her that my dads favorite movie was Days of Thunder, now this explains who my wife is inside, she went out of her way to find that movie and surprise me with it. That is what I miss her spontaneous things. I know she cannot drive but she can still do things like that. She always did stuff like that or call or text because she missed me. All that needs to return. I miss it so much but to mention it makes me feel too needy to her. I do not want her to think that at all. I will explain why I don’t want her to think I am needy but why at the same time I feel the way I do about her.

First off, have you seen this wife of mine?? Good lord she is some kind of hot and sexy all rolled into one. Now if you ask her, she is a fat whale! This is the furthest from the truth. This is omg smoking hot woman alert. Beautiful blonde hair, sexy blue eyes, a body to die for. I mean she has it all when it comes to a woman. I know she has to know this inside because at one point in life she use to drive me crazy on purpose. When we were first together, she would take her contacts out and put her glasses on. Lord have mercy let me tell you what happens there. I lose all control in my legs, my heart races and all I want to do is snatch her drag her to the bedroom and take control. It is a killer on me, not sure why but it is a weakness she has over me and the girl is on a whole new level of screaming hot. Like seriously thinking about it right now is just killing me. It is all the small things about her that I love so much. She used to come up behind me wrap her arms around me and love on me. Her random kisses and loves. She just makes you melt, well she does me anyway and to be totally honest I miss all of it.

To be fair with all of this there has been a lot going on in our life. Work stresses us both out to the max. We hate our bosses with a passion, and it don’t help that we both can be cranky when we are off work and take it out on each other. She has things going on with her kids that takes its toll on her even if she will not talk to me about it. I just went through a horrible thing with my fat cat that stressed me out a lot more and I am sure I was not fun to deal with. It is kind of been one thing after another in our lives but that is what life is like too. Never easy and for sure not a cakewalk. I think that if we both work to keep work at work, I mean we can still ask how each other’s day was, take our noses out of our phones a little bit more, talk to each other love on each other and for the love stop worrying about money all the time we will be good. I know money is a killer in a relationship and in ours I do not want it to be. As long as I have her, a place to live, food and gas for work I do not care about the rest because the one thing I have learned with her and I is we always figure it out. Together we are unstoppable and a force to be reckoned with. We need our connection back and I know it’s there just been pushed into the background because of everything else going on and I think we need to remember that we should put each other first because our bond is strong and I don’t want that to go away.

For some reason in this world of people she chose to be with me. God blessed me with her, and it has been the greatest blessing in my life, and I want her to know she is a blessing to me that I love her more than life. I want her to know that she is amazing a sexy as well despite what she might think of herself.